The blue water tinge of
disappointment
The blue water
It sparkles a thousand
reflections of my past
My friends that have been taken from
me
By its dark deeps
Checked off on death’s roll call
13 left by means of suicide
4 by the blast of a gun from
another
2 stabbed
8 last breaths from friends were
taken in the twisted metal cars
Smashed into stillness dripping
with blood
It’s a sight that never leaves
you
3 drowned
1 played Russian roulette
The odds weren’t in her favor
4 were locked up for taking the
life of another
Including my grandfather
Prison is just another form of
loss
Shrinks will say
Letting go of loss
Will make you feel better
Then they’ll write you a bill
“Same time, same place, next week
on a Tuesday.”
They say with a smile and a wink
Then spit you out
Like the sour taste you’ve become
Spit you out, back into the world
Or they yawn in the middle of
You recalling your nightmares
Then look at their watch
I think, I’m sorry if I don’t
have your utmost attention
Of course
I understand
You’ve got a lot on your plate
these days
Full schedule and all
So, again you’re spat back out in
the world
Suicides are never something easy
to deal with
The last was from someone I’d
known my entire life
He lay in the crib next to mine
Looking up at the mobile spinning
slowly around
With its melodic sound and small
colorful animals
Lions, tigers, bears, giraffes,
and elephants
He ended our 42 years of
friendship
By shooting himself in the head
Sorry, there’s no way to be
poetic with the previous line
Yet, I still wrote it down
Just to make sense of it all
Just to have something tangible
in my hand
On the table
On paper
To make sure all of this was real
Sadly
Suicide is as real as it gets
This poem is from my book : Petals Falling
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